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Dis(s)ney Movie Reviews but they are abridged

If I reviewed all those movies seperately at my pace, it'd take 10 years.
You'll be old by then, so here are my bad thoughts on these movies in short.
I may or may not know what I am talking about.

This page only discusses the Disney Animated Canon, because that's a thing that exists. Live-action movies and TV shows (animated or not) are excluded. That includes your favorite one.

If you are interested in purchasing any of these movies, consider buying second hand copies.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
This did not have to be 83 minutes long. Half of the movie consists of dwarf gags.
Snow White is 14, but that does not stop her from eating a stranger's apple. The prince does little to help Snow White.
The Queen is the best character in the movie. Grumpy undergoes character development, which is very mind-blowing...
Watch this movie with caution. If you are patient enough to handle multiple long scenes of dwarfs goofing off in a row, you might like this one. Then you might like the One Piece anime aswell.

Why did Pinocchio die? Is that how sentient wood works? Do wooden puppets have lungs, can they suffer blunt force trauma?? The "mourning, but the victim gets rescued" scene is recycled straight from Snow White. Cool.
Jiminy Cricket needs to do better. He tends to give up on following Pinocchio. The movie goes from a musical to an adventure film halfway through; all the songs are in the first half of the movie.
Figaro the cat undergoes a character arc. I find the ending interesting, because it is only a happy ending for Pinocchio and the gang; the kids trapped in Pleasure Island and turned into donkeys are not so lucky.

Artsy fartsy, I regret writing this sentence.
It is well animated.
There is an intermission between each segment starring Deems Taylor, who you don't know. He talks. A lot. Like, has he ever heard of spoiler alert?
The first half of this musical programme is only worth mentioning for the animation. Let's list up the segments.

  • Toccata and Fugue in d minor
  • The Nutcracker Suite
  • The Sorcerer's Apprentice
  • Le sacre du printemps / The Rite of Spring (worst)
After the fourth, the orchestra decides to take a 15-minute break. Understandable, really. The break doesn't actually take that long on home video, but just pretend it does.
After the break, we get 7 minutes of stress-relief filler, incase you still haven't recovered from the Rite of Spring. This filler involves Deems Taylor introducing a special guest, sound. And I do mean that quite literally. Sounds of instruments play, and an animated flat line reacts to them. I don't what it's called. Why this exists is unclear to me. I'm glad it does.
  • Symphony No. 6 "Pastoral"
  • Dance of the Hours
  • Night on Bald Mountain / Ave Maria

This movie will either bore you to tears, or you will marvel at the sights. Fugue and Suite are extremely subjective; it's best you experience them on your own and form an opinion yourself. Incase you can handle a 2 hour movie.

Functional film. The song they sing when working on the circus is arguably more racist than the crows. The "Pink Elephants on Parade" scene, albeit creative, is essentially filler for what is already a short feature length film. The animation succeeds with its simplicity; it fits the movie well.
The film ends quite abruptly. Timothy apparently forgets something as important as telling Dumbo about seeing his mother. But, the bonding scene is emotional.
This movie is short enough to warrant repeat viewings; it's little over an hour long. And unlike Saludos Amigos, this one is actually decent.

I don't think this is a 0/10.
The visuals are very Yes, music is also quite Yes and prevents the film from being a torture session for me. My hatred for this movie has nothing to do with the plot itself, but with the characters. They're a pile of excrement.
Bambi's mom does little else than take Bambi to places. She just feels like a device. Thus, her death is not as heartbreaking as it could've been.
Furthermore, her death is irrelevant to the plot. She never gets mentioned again. Bambi doesn't seem very sad about her death, which may have something to do with the fact that there is a seven-year timeskip inbetween the death scene and the next scene.
Thumper is horrid. He comes off more as a bully than as a friend. And he doesn't do anything of importance. If he didn't exist, how much would the movie change, really?
In general, most of the characters besides Bambi are not very interesting. Thumper and Flower do nothing, Faline is the basic love interest that Bambi has to fight for. Bambi also falls in love with her at at first sight after the timeskip. That's kinda sus.
Bambi's mom is an object.

The Prince and that senile owl are probably the best side characters. The former actually does something, and the owl doesn't torture me. Kudos.
Also, the transition between the death scene and the next scene is atrocious; the worst I've seen.
As soon as it fades in and out, immediately a song plays.
A happy-go-lucky song, called "Let's Sing A Gay Little Spring Song".
Needless to say, the film fails at calming the young down after that death scene.
As for plot substance, well, it is perfect for a movie like this, so there's that. I don't know what kind of plot you could make from a deer's life besides one like Bambi, anyways.

Saludos Amigos
Disney's gayest film they say on the movie poster, but I'm bored to tears.
Four cartoon shorts put into one """""feature film""""". If you call 43 minutes feature length. All cartoons try to educate people about South America. They take place in various different countries and cities, like Chile. Unfortunately, most of what is told here is common knowledge nowadays. Cartoons are unmemorable, mostly. There are live-action segments inbetween each short, detailing South American life.
The finale introduces to us everybody's favorite high bird, Joe Carioca. Donald and Joe have some fun together while a song plays, and it ends just like that.
This is not Disney's gayest film. Unmemorable.
Note: This movie is edited on most home media releases. There is a scene where Goofy smokes a cigarette. It has been altered so that he doesn't put it in his mouth.

Three Caballeros
69 minutes long. Fun. Ny. The last few minutes are an acid trip.
Furthermore, Donald Duck hits on real human women. I hope Daisy doesn't know about this. Also, Donald kisses one of his friends at one point. Donald is bisexual. Well, actually it was accidental.
This is also another movie about the South. Yet, unlike the previous movie, the shorts do not even seem to try to educate. The shorts are, well, short, and the rest of the movie is an LSD trip featuring three gay Caballeros. Their words, not me.
Watch only when sad.

Make Mine Music
If you live in the US, then you're gonna have to deal with being unable to view this movie uncut, because Disney decided to remove an entire 7-minute segment from the Region 1 DVD. And the movie is not available on Disney+. Thanks, parents.
This is like Fantasia, but with 40s music. It is not that good.
The segments seem to go in a special order. First comes a longer, comedy driven cartoon short, with lots of women. Afterwards comes a shorter ballad that focuses on music and visuals, with next to no story. The only exception to this order is the last short.
The movie has a very interesting ending, so I am not spoiling it here for you.

It feels like they just took random shorts, put them in an order and called it a day. They probably did.
The music is excruciatingly unmemorable. Fax. The fact that it's censored on Region 1 DVDs doesn't motivate one to watch it, either. Unless you're in the UK.

Fun and Fancy Free
Two half-hour featurettes put together into one film. I'm starting to see something here...
There are live-action+animation intermissions between each segment. This film also features a 40s ventriloquist, Edgar Bergen. I don't know him. Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio features heavily in the intermissions. In general, the intermissions are a little bit odd. A little girl is invited to a party. The only one there? An adult male ventriloquist. Vulgar times, the 40s.
The first segment is "Bongo", and it sucks. Circus bear wants to be free. Escapes circus train, but when he arrives in the forest, things don't seem very nice. This section of the featurette is drawn out. Eventually, Bongo finds Lulubelle, who can only be described as a nice seductor.
Everybody and their husband find the girl hot, and Everybody and their husband is also a hunk. Things seem bad for Bongo. Especially when a super strong hunk comes out to whoop Bongo's butt. Lulubelle slaps the hunk, but, apparently, a slap is a declaration of love in Bearland. Guess what happens next, because I am not telling you the rest. The narrator is a celebrity, by the way.
The second half of the movie is "Mickey and the Beanstalk". Better than Bongo, for sure. The comments from Edgar Bergen's puppets can range from good to annoying. That's all I can think of off the top of my head... Worth watching once or twice. Also has the famed Donald mental breakdown scene you may know from YouTube.
The stories have little to do with the movie title. In general, they don't really seem to have much in common. This is not really a movie to watch every month religiously.

Melody Time
Multiple shorts in one. Sound familiar?
Quite honestly, I do not feel like listing up the segments. The film is inconsistent, arguably even more so than Make Mine Music; it feels as if the people at Disney just put the segments in a random order.
The final segment, Pecos Bill, has me question logic. His love interest is the typical big-bang temperature woman. Near the end of the short, she sports an extremely large rear end. A fake rear end...

NOTE: The Region 1 version of this DVD has been edited. There is a scene featuring cigarettes that got censored..

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
Well, clearly, they were pretty poor in the 40s if six of their animated films in that period are in this compilation format.
The movie is like Fun and Fancy Free, two half-hour stories in one 1-hour movie. Only, without the awkward puppets.